What a difference a week makes

April 29, 2011 – What a difference a week makes!

Yeah, I felt pretty good last Friday. It was nice.

I’d like to say I haven’t blogged for a few days because things were boring around here but that would be a lie. Between nausea, pain,  fever, a rash, now some reflux, thrush and all the meds to handle all that stuff it’s been a very busy 5 days. I’m better today but I wouldn’t say I’m ready for prime time. But 3 weeks of treatment are completed so I get to spend the weekend wondering if I should go ahead and get the feeding tube. Eating is horribly painful and unappealing even with pain meds. There are people who “live to eat” and people who “eat to live” and I’ve always been the latter. However I’m even more so now. Since one must have nourishment to exist so I’m counting calories (let’s see how many are there in a raisin?) to try to get to 2000 so I can shut down the food intake for the day. I’ll decide by Monday whether to get the tube or tough it out. Pain sucks.

I changed pain meds during the week and who knows if Oxycodone is the answer. It does work but I wonder if that’s what’s causing the rash – and fever – and reflux. Or is it the anti-Thrush meds or the anti-nausea meds or a combination of one or more of those.

14 of 35 Radiation treatments done – 40%!

Emotions:  You know it’s coming but you really can’t prepare so when all this hit my demeanor sunk. Each good day I was hoping for the next one to be good and I really haven’t had any totally good days since Friday. I’m quieter now. My wife says I don’t complain – well it hurts to complain! So now it’s just focusing on the moment; get that Ensure down; eat that pudding; mark off another day on the calendar. Keep moving forward. Take another nap. Charge (sound of lame trumpet)!!!