"Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking away."

May 17, 2011 – 8:42 PM - "Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking away."

I’m in a bit of a fog. It’s kind of nice have an excuse to feel stupid. I think I’ll remain that way for a while so zombie writing might be what shows up here.

Today I completed my 6^th of 7 chemo treatments and have only 9 more RadDoc trips to complete (end of next week – YES!!). The “light at the end of the tunnel’ is within view. I know I’ll still get worse from what I’m told but that, at least, will be the beginning of the end of the misery.

My fog is likely due to me trying another pain remedy – Fentanyl pain patches. As noted earlier, I just about O.D’d on a 50 MG patch on Saturday.  As of 3:30 PM today I’m now trying a 25 and 12.5 in combo. At this point pain is tolerable but I am really fogged up.  No trembling or sweats so far (please be ok). Tomorrow will probably tell me more.

I’m on my third nutrition supplement called IsoSource. This one is less sugary than Boost and Ensure Plus so it might be less filling as I do all my feeding by tube. That’s been part of my weight loss problem. I can put this stuff down my feeding tube but if there’s “no room at the inn” then it’s not going down; my stomach empties too slowly. Soooo…yep…another prescription for something that speeds that up.  I’m now feeding at any and all hours. Last night I “ate” at 2 AM (half a can) and again at 6 AM (a whole can). I have yet to get 5 cans of anything in me in a 24 hour period and thought today would be it but I’m at 3.5 cans with more to go after I log off here.

Emotions – Yeah, I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently; my ability to find humor and positive thoughts has been missing. This disease and treatment is all that it’s advertised to be. It’s horrible.  But I do have glimmers of good thoughts creeping in during those moments when I realize how far I’ve come. I’m hanging in there, taking each day, or even each hour as it comes.  Feeding and bedtime coming soon.