May 25, 2011 - Five Cans Will Do It

May 25, 2011 – Five Cans Will Do It

I have a heck of a time eating (eating? tubing) 5 cans of IsoSource each day always ending up with only 4. But for 3 straight days I did manage 5 and my weight quit falling off – indeed I may have even gained a pound or 2.  Today, not so good.  I woke up at 3:30 for my “morning” feed but only got about half way done when nausea started creeping in.  I gave up and went back to bed. I went to RadDoc for my treatment at 8 AM but ended up lying down for about 15 minutes until I felt like I would be ok under that Hannibal Lecter mask. They also gave me extra nausea meds and it eventually worked out. Then I came home and slept until Noon. Only my wonderful wife’s check-in phone call woke me up. I managed to get another can of IsoSource (IsoSauce? IsoSludge?) down but still feel lousy.

I mentioned last week was the slowest one yet and that still holds true. Even with today’s miseries this week seems to be moving along just fine. Yesterday was my last (LAST!!) Chemo day except for extra fluids and blood work check-ups.  That felt like a milestone was reached. Three more RadDoc visits (2 Friday) and I’m done, done, DONE!

My pain seems under control again but I still can’t really swallow anything with any flavor so water it is for now. My mucous problem also is less of an issue this week for reasons that aren’t apparent. I’m supposed to start feeling better in a couple weeks after treatment (gradually….very gradually) and hope to start eating more normally at that point. Once I can eat enough to maintain my weight, the feeding tube is removed. I’m told it will be several months before that happens. I’m not challenging that but I’m hoping to do better.

Emotions:  I’ve run the gamut from feeling very positive to wondering if this is all going to work out. I know treatment will end but what then? How much of my old self will I get back. Will I lose interest in activities I’ve always loved? Golf and music are on a back burner even though I could physically play my instruments during good days. I’m not doing that. No interest at the moment.  I know most relationships will strengthen including my marriage as Joanne and I have learned to appreciate each other more. I’ve also learned to appreciate the overwhelming giving nature of my many friends.  But I do hope some of my old cantankerousness returns or I won’t be me. Many unknowns. But I’m driving this bus so I intend to make the best of it.