Sobering Weekend

May 15, 2011 – Sobering Weekend

Early Afternoon……

Yesterday (Saturday) wasn’t a good day. I had upped my pain med patch to a 50 only to wake up feeling horribly out of sorts. I didn’t have appreciable pain but my body was feeling like I was overdosing, not that I know what that really feels like. As the morning wore on I got worse:  cold sweats, trembling, a sense that something worse was going to happen. I was scared. I called the weekend RadDoc on duty and after much conversation I took off the 50 patch and went back to a 25. I, again, augment that with some oral Oxycodone. The day gradually improved but only compared to what I felt earlier. I admit feeling a bit defeated all day long.

I’m losing weight and can’t seem to consume enough calories to prevent it. Even after 3 hours without a meal my stomach feels full. I have no problem with the feeding tube but if there’s no room, there’s no room. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll shrivel up before the treatment is complete.

Controlling pain and nausea is a moving target. No vomiting since last Sunday’s misery but as I write (1:20 PM), I’m not sure my day will continue that way. Took more anti-nausea meds and it usually puts me to sleep – which is fine with me. Mucus production is running full tilt. It’s just totally gross.  I’m having skin problems in various places from the radiation but this is the least of my issues. It’s very leathery in spots with a lot of peeling.

Early Evening…

I slept off much of the drug effects so I’m almost conscious now. No vomiting. I should eat 2 more Boosts today but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it.  Weekends are not so much fun since the clock stops on the number of treatments. I still have 2 weeks left. I only hope the equipment doesn’t break down - they tell me it does happen. Two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks………..