I say decent days because I was able to take in enough food, my stomach didn’t rebel and my pain didn’t get any worse. Such is what a good day looks like now.
I had my endoscopy today and it didn’t produce any findings to be concerned about. My stomach problems are still likely caused by my pain meds and I've reduced them enough so my stomach is behaving. I also did some “Googling” today to find others in my “it ain’t healin’” condition and I sure did find them. It seems if your throat doesn’t respond in what doctors consider a predictable manner, they don’t know what to tell their patients: “Everyone is different”, “some people heal faster than others” etc. I found postings of people with many more months of throat pain than was advertised and found equal numbers of people who have lost substantial weight due to eating problems. So, I’m not alone. I don’t necessarily feel better about that.I’m going to focus on nutrition over pain management at this point. I NEED calories or I’ll just keep losing weight. I’ll use the food pump at night to pump in 2 cans of IsoSource and try to take in 4 others during the day. I’ll also continue to eat some baby oatmeal and other soft stuff to keep my throat from giving up completely.
Emotions: I really am a mess. I’m very emotional and distraught as this moves forward – or whatever direction it’s going. I feel lost and often helpless and hopeless as each day mirrors the day before. I’m still searching for a purpose in all this and have to wonder if life will ever be good enough to justify what I’m going through. I just don’t know.
Oh Ben, I feel so bad for you. I can only hope that it starts getting better soon. My nephew had the same thing as you about 8 months before yours and he is still limited to what he can eat. They don't tell you this in the beginning cause they don't want you to get discouraged. It's terrible that they aren't much help. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI glad to hear of 'decent' days. keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteLove, Meg
I'm so sorry to hear about being hopeless and helpless from your mouth. I'm sure after reducing (changing) your meds and trying different (baby or soft) food you'll get more "decent" days and you'll get in a btter mood. You'll become more like yourself!
ReplyDeleteBen, I know there is a purpose in this. Just read what your stated purpose was when you started this blog. Someone out there is going to be going through the same thing and will read your blog and be able to face it. I also have faith that you will beat this.
ReplyDeleteMike