Last night I used the feeding pump for the first time in 2 nights and used a slower pumping rate as well as using one less can of “food.” It seemed to work – at least I didn’t wake up vomiting this morning. I’m still not taking in enough nutrients to sustain myself. My stomach remains in a state of uneasiness that nears nausea so any effort at feeding me is a forced activity based on my intellectual understanding that I need to do it. I’d rather be hungry!!
I put a call into my gastro doc and he’s scheduled an endoscopy for Monday morning to check for any blockage or any other problems. I predict he’ll find nothing wrong. He also told me to try to get off narcotics. Well, I was already trying that after my experience with the Thrush meds. I’m down to 1.5 pills every 4 hours instead of 2.5. I’m staying there because there is still enough pain to warrant it. He’s probably on to something about the pain pills but this is EXACTLY the “catch 22” I’ve been referring to. I’m screwed. I feel sorry for my wife having to endure watching me wasting away. She just doesn’t deserve to have her life disrupted by trying to take care of a decaying and barely functional husband. She’s strong and healthy; she deserves better.
I don’t even think I’m a cancer patient anymore. No visual sign of it; the upcoming CAT scan (within a month I think) should prove that. I’m now just a malnourished wreck of a man and there seems to be nothing that can be done about that. I appreciate all the kind words (“you’re gonna be just fine”) but I admit they sound hopeful but empty. But I also understand that there’s really nothing else for anyone to say. Nobody and I mean NOBODY really knows if I’m going to be ok.
On a good but totally unimportant note, my beard is starting to grow back in some places. My mustache which was almost gone is coming in darker and fuller again. The hair on my head never left but did feel thinner. It’s thicker now too. I want my stomach and throat back instead.
I always tell people they know their own bodies better than the Dr;s. You live with your body every day. It is a good thing you fought for the thrush medicine. Obviously it didn't cause any harm. I'd try the beer - it kept your Mom alive t 76 and my Dad till 82. There must be some nutrition in there. Do you like beer?
ReplyDeleteYes, it seems like the doctors don't know a shit. You have to think and fight for yourself!
ReplyDeleteTry beer, wine, different food. What about ice cream?