Let me just say that I know that I haven’t been handling my miseries in a very commendable manner. I’m doing nothing but whining and moaning as I suffer the worst summer of my life. I suppose I should be looking at the positives and trying to take an optimistic approach but that’s just not working out for me. I’m also disappointed that I’m not able to write good things here as each day repeats the previous one. But that’s just the way it is.
Yesterday I had my RadDoc visit and sure enough he said I’m healing and was happy with what I’m doing to try to save myself (mouth feeding, dental care etc.). He also said the CT scan found NO CANCER. That bit of good news was expected so I didn’t have much of a reaction to it. He still has no idea when I’ll stop hurting. So he put me on Oxycontin. I take that twice a day which I hope works out better than taking Oxycodone every 4 hours. Now I don’t have to get up at 2 AM to take pills.
About the reprieve – when the doctor was scoping my throat the numbing agent (Lidocaine) he uses in my nose trickled all the way down my throat causing me to cough a little because it tastes awful. However, it coated the most painful area of my throat so when he told me to swallow it was PAIN FREE!! I couldn’t believe it. One of my first comments was I wanted to go eat a Big Mac! Then I went and drank a whole bunch of my water because it felt so normal to do it. Pain free. First time since April that has happened.
That lasted all of about 15 or 20 minutes but I now have something else to try at home. I’ve been using Lidocaine at home but in a diluted manner. Now I’m going to try to squirt it full strength right on the sore spots. I can only do that 4 times a day or I suppose other damage will occur.
Finally I write this as a hurricane bears down off the Carolina coast. The storm will just miss us but still bring high winds and plenty of rain. I told my wife I was going to park myself under a tree that looks likely to collapse and put me out of my misery. Good luck picking out the tree. Instead I’ll just soldier on and survive to suffer another day.
“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.” That’s from an old James Taylor song. I think it’s profound. I also lived that way. I don’t anymore. I loved the day-to-day rhythm of life and used to find holidays and other variations from a normal week disruptive. “Celebrate the routine.” That was another saying I enjoyed because life was mostly made up of routine activities and if you don’t “celebrate the routine” you can’t enjoy the passage of time.
Enough BS philosophy from a sick old man. “Live each day like there’s no tomorrow.” That’s my new one. I’ll shut up now.
DAH!!! I have told you to try to use some kind of oral anesthetic so you can swallow some food without pain! Enjoy your misery!
ReplyDeleteSo glad the worst part of the hurricane will miss you. You've had enough to deal with lately. I still appreciate the updates and look forward to them even if you don't have a lot of good to say. From this viewpoint, things are picking up for you as it was only a week or 2 ago that you couldn't eat anything.
ReplyDeleteKeep on trying, Love, Marcia