September 1, 2011 – Happy New Month!! I’ve Had Flashes of Improvement.

Where did summer go? Mine was spent in a fog of pain, fatigue and depression. Now I’m having brief moments of improvement in both mood and energy. I’m not getting all excited about flashes of improvement since I usually return to my regularly scheduled misery before the day is over. Actually, I’m finding I feel the best right after my “slurry” breakfast of cereal, fruit and milk mid-morning (all mashed together with an immersion blender). After my evening meal I’m usually back to pain and misery. But at least part of the day I have less of that so that’s a good thing.

Acupuncture – eh….I don’t know. On Tuesday I gave in and gave acupuncture a try. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience. Indeed, the needles weren’t bad except for one or two that ached a little. But did I feel like this was something that was going to contribute to my recovery? Not really so I’m done with that. That and Reiki and other “treatments” from the alternative medicine universe require as much faith as organized religion and I’m just not like that. So I continue waiting for time to heal all wounds. That’s not working either of course but…..

I’m using my feeding tube minimally now and will discuss getting it removed today when I see RadDoc. The only thing I use it for now is IsoSource and Cola (and water). I think I’ll have to wait until my throat gets a lot better though because IsoSource ends up being my nutrition of choice when my throat is too sore to tolerate drinking anything including water. As it is now I’m getting 80 to 90% of my nutrition by mouth. I’m eating chicken as well as beef (ground up and heavily liquefied) in addition to potatoes and vegetables and pasta and fruits. I can chew pretty well. I actually tried a few crackers yesterday (with PLENTY of added water). I’m definitely receiving a balanced diet now which is giving me my “flashes of improvement” in energy and physical appearance as well as color. I look a little better now. I still can’t gain any weight even with extra ice cream and other stuff. As it is, too much fat still sickens me so I may have to settle for a stable weight where it is and not presume I’ll be able to gain. I never have had an easy time gaining weight but could always lose it without too much trouble.  I would prefer not to lose any more though.

So much for today’s posting. I’ll keep at it every 5 to 7 days unless something major occurs causing me to think it’s worth writing about sooner. Meanwhile, live each day like there’s no tomorrow.