The Start - the first week

Oral Cancer Journal

March 20, 2011 – I’ve decided to write this blog to have an outlet for my newly found discovery that I have oral cancer. I’ll post information on my treatment progress and also how I’m coping with all the misery I’m soon to endure. I hope it will give people insight as to the day to day life of an oral cancer patient. I don't know how often I'll post but hope to do so regularly.

The Beginning

I’ve been having some physical hints of problems for probably 6 months. I never took them seriously because the swallowing problems were barely detectable and my chronic cold symptoms seemed to be just bad luck.

However, about a month ago I noticed a lump on my neck below my chin on the left side. I figured it was something to do with a lymph gland but never thought it to be a big deal. Fortunately, my two week long “cold” sent me to my doc to see if I had a sinus infection. I was quickly referred to an ENT doctor and off I went on the road to being a cancer patient.

On March 15, the doctor listened to my tale of woe and scoped my sinuses and throat. He explained the results and told me what he thought: oral cancer that has spread from the back of my tongue to my lymph gland. Next was a CAT scan to see if it was true. Three days later I had the scan and immediately visited the doctor again. He explained the results confirming his original opinion. Next Thursday, March 24^th will be the biopsy and then on to a treatment plan.

Emotions: I’m at my best (and some say worst) when I handle things unemotionally and rationally. I do poorly when I let anger, frustration or fear get in the way. But no words can describe the shock of finding out you have cancer.  No amount of rational thinking helps at all here. It’s just a body blow that you cannot simulate – and your first reaction has to be fear. Nothing seemed important anymore – because in actuality nothing else really is.

I think we all take our health for granted but that’s not a bad thing in some ways. It allows us to live a somewhat caution-free, carefree life without fear. This sense of being bullet proof helps us live a normal life, take risks and be successful. Yet, this sense of invulnerability can blind a person to the realities of life. So we wait too long to get symptoms checked out. We need to find the right balance between denial and hypochondria.

March 22, 2011:  Nothing really going on except for my difficulty finding joy in all of my old activities.  I haven’t touched my guitar since Friday night and don’t seem to want to. Played golf and enjoyed the usual camaraderie but it didn’t feel the same. It feels like I’m one level removed from it all. I recognize everything; it’s all familiar; I can even banter a bit as usual but it’s still feels detached from reality. It’s like  my reality now has nothing to do with what used to be normal life. Off to bed.

March 24, 2011:  I had my biopsy today. The results were as expected with no surprises either good or bad. I’m really not hurting much from it but as evening arrives I’m feeling a little bit nauseated for some reason. I took one pain pill earlier and that killed any pain and felt mostly dull and lethargic. Next is a meeting with the treatment team; hope to know when tomorrow.

Emotions:  I continue to gain strength from the many, many people who have reached out with great compassion for my plight. I’m more affected by that than I thought I’d be. It’s like I feel their positive energy somehow. It’s wonderful to have friends like this.