So what have I learned? Well, not as much as one might think. I did learn that I have a wonderfully loyal wife who did everything she could to keep me going when the going got rough. She was just great during my ordeal and I couldn’t ask for a better life partner. I learned that I could depend on good friends to care and take an interest in how my recovery was progressing. I wasn’t forgotten; at times they cared more about me than I did.
I also learned that my belief system was well thought out and survived the misery and trauma of treatment. I never “found God” just because I might die. There ARE atheists in foxholes. I’ve been a non-believer for as long as I’ve been cognizant of what belief is. Now I know I always will be. I don’t think that’s either negative or positive, it is just how I am wired. I learned I’m not afraid of death for reasons I don’t know. It’s possible it’s because I feel I’ve done all I want to do in life and now I’m on a permanent vacation.In addition, I never deviated from my belief that, for me, quality of life is FAR more important than quantity. I want to live well (however I define it) or I want to get off the stage. I also learned that the human body can take quite a bit of abuse and recover if you keep at it and don’t give up. As down as I was much of the time, I never stopped trying to heal myself. Chemotherapy, radiation, various drugs with awful side effects, inactivity, weight loss and even a bad attitude were not enough to get close to killing me. The medical team did its job and I’m well enough to live a mostly normal life again at age 63.
It’s now been 6 months since my last treatment. What am I left with? Disregarding my previously mentioned muscle wasting condition (which is taking a toll of its own) I feel pretty much the same as I did before diagnosis. I have the same energy level, same sense of well-being and a general sense of good health. I’m back to being an arrogant jackass at times. What I’m stuck with is oral damage that affects my ability to taste, chew and swallow. The lack of saliva leaves my mouth in various levels of dryness as well as leaving me vulnerable to tooth decay (I brush at least 3 times per day now). My jaw is always tender and sore as is part of my tongue. My throat is damaged as well and I have to clear my throat more often especially after I eat. I also snore which I rarely if ever did before (more saintly tolerance from my wife). My doctors say that any improvement in these areas will be in the first year after treatment so I have until next May to start to taste sweet things again (that’s the biggest taste loss).So that’s all folks. I’m back to playing golf and performing with my band (the two major activities before I became ill). I want to thank the readers of this blog for their loyalty throughout my ordeal. I enjoyed writing it but I sure didn’t enjoy the reason I was writing it. But life is for the living and I’m still on this side of the daisies so I’m thankful for that. I hope all of you enjoy good health and have a long and happy future.
HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI certainly am glad to hear things are good and am also very glad that you shared with us. It meant a lot. Love, Marcia
Congratulations! Way to go! Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Keep us informed in case of any (good or bad) changes. Take care of yourself and good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe, your followers, will miss you.
ReplyDeleteHAPPY HOLIDAYS to you and your family!
It is no secret that I have a very deep and personal relationship with God. I have pushed and resisted that relationship this past year through all the bullshit I have had to go through living with Herpes but once again, God is bigger than my stubbornness and broke through that outbreak cold sore and all I had Genital Herpes. For me personally, hearing over and over how I am not good enough has really invaded my mind in the worst way possible. I completely shut down and I was just waking up like is this how life going to end this temporary herpes outbreak “fuck everybody with herpes if you know what I mean” but let's be honest here...
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