October 29, 2011 – Mmmm….Soft Cardboard with Tasteless Syrup….Yum!

Now that I’m back “out there” I’m being asked a lot of questions about how I’m doing and what I am experiencing. First of all, I feel pretty normal every day with the exception of my mouth and head. I’m sleeping well. I take no meds except for some aspirin before golf.  My daily energy is what it was before treatment.  I eat most things that aren’t hard or crispy.  My continuing problems include a dry mouth and limited taste in addition to some problems swallowing some foods. I haven’t really gained much weight despite my last posting to the contrary. The mouth dryness dominates my day. My mouth never feels “comfortable.” I also bite my tongue more often. Actually my tongue doesn’t feel that normal either. I’m sure all of this is due to radiation damage and by next summer I’ll know how much improvement I’m going to have and what I’m going to be stuck with. Other ongoing problems are a chronic sore and stiff neck and sore jaw.  I still worry about my teeth as well and brush, rinse and chew gum to keep decay at bay.

Yesterday morning I made pancakes for breakfast and flooded them with the usual copious amounts of syrup. I remember how sweet that meal is. But to enjoy it at all I have to think about what it used to taste like. Tasting by memory.  In this case it tasted like mushy cardboard. Not that I ever ate mushy cardboard.  This lack of taste affects my desire to eat so I have to force myself most of the time. That kind of sucks but it is what it is. I do get hungry though. I also get a craving for sweets every now and then but eating a candy bar or cookie doesn’t do any good. Chewing is also an issue for anything that’s not reasonably soft so in public settings I have to pick and choose what to eat. It’s either that or sneak away into a corner somewhere and gnaw away at a piece of chicken.

Another question I’ve been asked is if I would do it again (treatment) now that I’ve recovered pretty well. This comes up because I spent much of the summer hoping I wouldn’t wake up in the morning or wishing to be struck by lightning. The answer is yes but only because I’m doing pretty well. If the cancer returns or something else happens to me, I may look at it differently. As it is I still have a sense there is more (of something) to come either soon or not far off in the future.  I don’t know why. I’m getting old and have spent the last 5 or 6 years dealing with physical decline so maybe that’s why.

Band practice continues and we now have a gig next Saturday. It’s a new place for us so if it’s a disaster it will be the only time there. My vocals are still hit-and-miss so I may be mostly a guitar player. We’ll see.